Allow me selfpity for a bit if you will…

I have been feeling rather “blue” lately and just have a need to share my feelings with you. I’m sure I am not the only person out there that went through feelings of depression since being diagnosed.

I think all of these feelings are surfacing now and overwhelming me because I never allowed myself to deal with them in the first place. Everyone was making a big deal of it and I kept downplaying it – especially after the fist incident - DVT in my right leg. I remember lying in hospital and did not quite know what I’m doing there because I felt healthy apart from the sore leg. I was also told that I would need to be on Warfarin for 6 months so I thought, cool – I can live with that! Six months, and I’ll be good as new!

I was just as determined to not let the second incident (this time PE) a few months later get to me. They wanted to admit me to Intensive Care and I insisted it was ridiculous! They ended up admitting me to Special Care and monitored my heart seeing as I could go into cardiac arrest if the clot moves towards my heart. Well, okay – now they had my attention!

Must say, two weeks later I was back at work and every time I started getting stressed about it, I would force myself to not think about it and to “know” that everything will be fine and that its all over. The doctor told me that I tested positive for Factor V Leiden (even though I tested negative the first time) which he cannot explain. Well, so much for that – bottom-line … lifelong Warfarin for me!

I’ve been going for my regular blood tests ever since (must say I’m getting rather sick of needles)! My INR levels are generally in the correct range so I cannot complain too much. Only had a few instances where it was too low and I had to go for blood tests more regularly until they got it back in the correct range. My INR was stable for the past three months again but then on Monday it was 3.55 so I had to not take any Warfarin for two days, 8mg today and then go for another test tomorrow. So painful when this happens!

I have also been trying to lose weight (picked up quite a bit since I kicked the smoking-habit). I felt so queasy and light-headed often and I could not understand why. Fortunately, after reading the book recommended on this site ("100 Q&A About DVT and PE") I read that most food have trace elements of Vit K so cutting down on your food intake or drastically changing your diet will affect your INR. Turns out that my INR was around 5.0 so that explains the lightheadedness!

This is such a life-changing disease – something as simple as dieting causes havoc in ones life and you cannot just go ahead and do that anymore. I feel miserable since I've picked up weight so that certaintly does not help matters!

I recently discovered that my uncle (who had 2 heart attacks and serious heart surgery) only takes 5mg Warfarin a day. I take 10mg. My grandfather died of a heart attack when he was 40 years old (needless to say, I never knew him) and his brother died of the same thing in his late 30s. All of this is scaring the living daylight out of me.

I am feeling rather sorry for myself these days and I wish I can snap out of it! I am starting to worry about so much. I am 37 and do not have kids yet so lately that is literally all I am thinking about. I don’t think that it will happen if I am so worried and stressed about it and wanting it to happen pronto! I am putting way too much pressure on my partner too which is a bad thing. Wish I could just learn to relax about all of this stuff and let life take its course!

Well, just writing all of this stuff already makes me feel better and I’m hoping that I will snap out of this self-pity quickly...enough already!!

Gizmo, any time, when you have the blues, you can write it here, we all understand it very well!!! Been there and/or being there.
I don't see it as selfpitty, I see it as letting some steam out and knowing that the people here are going, "I feel for you" and fully understand what you are going through. It's hard to deal with this DVT, like you said, aside from the leg pain, the rest of your body is fine and that is the hardest thing to do is change your life entierly because of the meds, I understand that one very well and I am still dealing with no Mountain Biking...
So don't ever feel alone, please.
This goes for anybody else, we understand each other, where people that are not or have never dealt with DVT will NEVER understand us.

What's wrong with you, your DVT happened last year, you must be ok...

NOT!!!!

Be well, and keep on coming here for reasurance and company of people that understand YOU.

Hi G....

No worries... I'm so glad that you are brave and open enough to share your feelings here. Feelings that so many others here can relate to, understand, appreciate, and empathize with. Thank you.

I'm having my own pity party of sorts! ... with my hubby out of town with all this going on, I feel a little alone at the onset of all this. But every day is a new one! Thanks for being here!

After the rain, the sun must come! Hope your day is a sunny one tomorrow!
Take care,
Brenda